


The Letter

by Hils



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-19
Updated: 2009-01-19
Packaged: 2018-10-16 20:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10579137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hils/pseuds/Hils
Summary: Gaius has been expecting this conversation, but he’s not sure he’s ready for it even as he follows. Takes place just after 1x13





	

“I heard you had come back.”

The king’s voice is soft but dull and flat, as though he has already given up on everything. It breaks Gaius’s heart to hear him like this and he keeps his eyes low, knowing that to raise them will be his undoing.

“Yes, sire,” he simply replies as he gives a small bow.

“Good. I was not relishing the task of appointing a new physician.”

He can hear the smile in Uther’s voice before he allows himself to look. Sure enough there it is. There’s something else though, beyond the smile. Pain, but also relief.

The king does not smile often but when he does it warms his heart, and it’s enough to drive away the memories of the coldness he’d felt when Nimueh had taken his life. He hadn’t been afraid to die. He’d do it again if he thought it would save Merlin. But the pain of knowing he was leaving behind people who loved him and would grieve for him…nothing could take that away.

He forces a smile. “Yes, I’m quite certain no one in the court would tolerate your temper the way I do.”

Uther snorts and the pain fades a little from his eyes as he rises from his throne.

“I’ve brought the salve for your shoulder,” Gaius says as his eyes follow Uther across the room.

“Bring it to my chambers,” the king instructs. “There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.”

Gaius has been expecting this conversation, but he’s not sure he’s ready for it even as he follows.

* * *

“What is the meaning of this?” Uther asks as the letter drops into Gaius’s lap. They are sitting side by side in front of the fire but it is doing little to soothe the cold anxiety flooding through Gaius’s blood. He sighs and closes his eyes.

“It was something I felt I had to do.”

“Forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye,” Uther quotes without even looking at the page, “but this is something I must do. Forgive me. I will always be your humble servant.”

He forces his eyes to open and makes himself look at Uther. He hadn’t expected to hear those words again, least of all read back to him by their recipient. “Things worked out differently to what I expected.”

“Your humble servant?” Uther repeats. “Is that all you feel you are to me? Just another servant to command?”

“No,” Gaius replies. “You are my dear friend and my…I’m no bard as you well know. Words do not come so easily to me.”

“Tell me now,” Uther replies, slowly and carefully removing his shirt so that Gaius can apply the salve to his old wounds. “Tell me what you really wished to say to me.”

“Does it really matter?” Gaius asks as he opens the vial and smears some of the dark cream onto his fingers.

“Yes,” Uther replies, hissing as cold hands make contact with his bare skin. “It matters. Tell me.”

Gaius starts to gently massage the king’s shoulders, the repetitive motions soothing him and evidently soothing Uther too as he feels him start to relax under his ministrations.

“I simply wished to say,” he begins carefully as he searches for what he had been unable to say in his letter. “I simply wished to say that although the times we have had together have been difficult and painful on occasion there have also been some wonderful ones. I wouldn’t give up what we have for all the riches in the kingdom.”

“When you left…” Uther replies, choosing his words as carefully as Gaius has. “I felt as though part of me had gone with you. You’ve been with me for so many years and then suddenly you were just gone. I have not felt pain like that since I lost Igraine or when I thought I was going to lose Arthur and it was more than I could bear. I want you to swear to me that you will not leave me again.”

Gaius smiles wryly. “I cannot promise to live forever, Uther. No man can do that.”

“No,” Uther agreed. “But you can at least swear you will never willingly leave me again.”

“Yes,” Gaius said with a nod. “I can.”

“Do you swear it?”

He wants to. He wants to promise that he will be with Uther until the end of their days but at the same time he knows that there are greater forces at work in the world. Merlin has been able to save him from death once and he is living on borrowed time now. He knows this.

“Uther, you know I can’t. All I can do is promise to be with you as long as I can.”

The king sighs and then smiles at his friend and companion. “Well, I suppose that will have to suffice. You look tired. You should get some rest.”

Gaius nods and wipes his hands clean on his handkerchief before rising to return to his own room. He’s almost at the door before Uther calls out.

“I didn’t say you have to leave.”

Uther is in the process of changing into his nightshirt and has already laid out a spare one on the bed for him to use. Gaius is suddenly reminded of all the things they had done in that bed when they were both younger men. These days the bed is simply a place for them to rest and share the things they are unable to speak of in public. Where Uther is not the king and can just be himself.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Uther says as he climbs into bed, watching as Gaius slowly changes into his nightshirt.

Gaius smiles. This is his second chance. He’s been brought back from death and on his journey back to Camelot in the rain he’d made a vow to no longer hold back from what he truly wanted. He climbs into bed and wraps his arms around his king, his friend and his lover.

“I’m glad to be here.”

The End.


End file.
